Hello everyone, welcome to my first LinkedIn live. This is very exciting, I am hosting my first live on LinkedIn. I’ve done many Lives over on Facebook over the years, but I'm recording a podcast which is why I'm here in my microphone and I thought I might as well just do it live at the same time. Because I very rarely edit my podcast, I'll just go in one go.
If we are just meeting each other, Hello nice to meet you my name is Alisha Leytem I am the founder and CEO of Alisha Leytem Wellness where I offer well-being coaching and consulting I offer keynote speaking and experiences in nature to help professionals tune in to being healthier and happier and their mind, body, and spirit. Through my framework The Six G.O.L.D Keys to Well-Being, which I am author of the book. It is on sale right now for $11 over on Amazon for my Black Friday sale.
Before we dive into what I want to share with you guys today, which is how you can create and set powerful boundaries so that you can truly have a happier holiday season. This is super important especially right now as we kind of wrap up the Thanksgiving holiday and now it's like full-on you know Christmas season for those who celebrate.
There can be a lot of this pressure. Some people love the holidays, some people don't love them so much. I think a really big reason why we don't is because we put so much pressure on ourselves and so we feel that we are obligated to do all of these things and we're obligated to say “yes” to all of these people.
At the end of the day we feel even more burned out, even more depleted, even more exhausted than we currently are at the end of this season. Then we head into a new year feeling like we need a break from everything we just experienced.
I believe we can prevent that by being more intentional with how we want our holiday season to be. How we want it to feel, how we want to show up for it. This starts now and so I'm going to share with you what you can do to feel that way, to shift that, to have a really intentional holiday season.
Announcements
But before I dive into that just a few things to let you know, 1) my book is on sale for $11 on Amazon. Once you grab a copy of the book then I want you to head over to alishaleytem.co/book and you can download your free bonuses for the book.
This bonus is a master resource guide PDF of links to so many resources including guided meditations and products and things that are going to help you unlock that specific key that you are working on from the book. So then head over and grab your free copy of that.
The other thing that we have going on right now is I have a program that I have released as a six-month coach coaching program that's based on my framework that I wrote in my book The Six G.O.L.D Keys to Well-Being, and in it has my course modules for each of the the gold keys in the book.
In these modules are my workshops that have been teaching and speaking at corporations for the past couple of years. So now I'm super excited to be able to offer this to individuals and in addition to the course modules we’re going to have monthly coaching sessions that are beginning with some mindfulness and meditation trainings.
In addition I parted with my husband. You guys probably have seen him on LinkedIn, Michael Leytem of Catching Leadership. He's going to be coming in and doing some leadership training for you as well because we know how important it is to improve your wellbeing to be a better leader.
We partner our work together all the time. In fact , tomorrow we're going in and doing training for an accounting firm in our local town to help you uncover better leadership skills and improve your brain health. So that you can bring this work more holistically into your professional life, so that's going to be a bonus add in the program.
Releasing the Need To Do it All
Let's dive into the content for today. The first thing I want you guys to really think about when it comes to the holiday season is releasing the need to do it all. There is so much pressure to constantly be busy during the holiday season. It's almost like this guilt comes over you when you aren't doing all of the things.
Now this is particularly for all of the women out there. The women who feel and try to do it all. You're working, you have a career, you have a business, you likely have children, or you're taking care of family members, you’re taking care of the home, you’re cooking, you’re cleaning, you’re decorating, you’re buying the presents, you’re wrapping the presents, you're attending the parties, you're getting everything in line with everyone's schedule. You also have to spend quality time with your family and take care of yourself in addition to all of this.
There's so much pressure to maintain and do all the things on a daily basis druing a regular time of the year, but at this time of year it just seemed super heightened. When we put additional pressure on ourselves to do everything and be everything then this is where it takes the joy out of the holiday season. This is where it just removes the magic of it.
So what I want you to really think about and remember is that you actually have more power in your schedule then you think. We think well I have to. I have to go to this this gathering because we do it every year, my parents are expecting me to be here at this this party. I have to bring this you know dish every year, that's what I have to do it's the same thing. I have to be doing whatever that is for you X, Y, and Z
Let's reframe this. You actually don't have to unless you really deeply, deeply desire to. You have more power over your schedule than you think. You get to decide and you get to choose what it is that you say “yes” to and you get to choose what you say “no” to.
This is where we're setting really beautiful, loving boundaries. By remembering that you are in charge of what you say “yes” or “no” to with or without someone else's approval or disapproval of what that may or may not look like.
Now when you begin to set these “loving boundaries” like I say. It feels very uncomfortable for you and uncomfortable for the other person because you're doing something that's out of what their expectations are for you.
When you remember that ahead of time, when you remember that that's likely going to be the reaction before you do that. You can come into it with a very open heart. You're doing this because it's more in alignment with your values, you’re doing this because it's more alignment with how you want to feel this holiday season. So that's why I want you to really hone in on. How do you want to feel this season? How do you want it to feel?
If you can bring it down into one or two words, how do you want to feel? That's going to open the doors for what you know to say “yes” to and what you can say “no” to. So let’s say this year you want it to feel very nourishing and slow.
Now you know when you can say “yes” does this thing that I have been offered, or that's on my calendar, or that I have to say “yes” or “no” to does this work in alignment, or is this an alignment with me feeling nourished, or is this alignment with the the me feeling slow?
If it doesn't then you can very lovingly say “no.” So it's super important that you understand what is truly important or valued to you. If you aren't super aware of what your own values are then we need to help you get clear on what your values are. What's most important to you and your life.
This is why some people love to be super busy or love to go to every single holiday gathering because it's an alignment with their values. If you aren't sure what those are then I invite you to get super clear on what those are. I have a whole workshop. Actually this is a bonus to my program “Your Well-Being Promotion.” Which you can go to alishaleytem.com and dive into a little bit more.
This bonus is a workshop on helping you identify what your top five values are in your life and it helps you get crystal clear on designing a life, in designing a holiday season that feels the way that you want it to. Which is going to help you feel as happy and fulfilled and content as you desire it, which is what we're all really looking for at the end of the day.
Ask yourself these questions…
Asking yourself a few more questions:
1. What can I do less of this year?
2. Instead of trying to do more, where and what can I do less of?
3. What are the very specific things that I only want to focus on more of?
4. So if you remember and think about what you love the most about the holiday season, what do you love the most about it? Then do more of the things that you love.
For example, one of the things I love the most is the food. It’s cooking food, eating it, and making it for my family and my loved ones. I love spending the time buying the food, making the food, setting up the food, those types of things. So it's okay for me to focus on that.
Think about what you love about the holiday season for you. This year my daughter is turning 2 in the middle of December and so I want this year for me to feel childlike. I want to experience the holiday season through her eyes of feeling like a child again.
So what does that mean? I'm going to be focusing more on looking at kids toys. What are some fun things that we can do together at home? Because we like to do it together at home as a family. To really harness and tap into that that feeling of childlike wonder. What are some movies that we can watch that can introduce her to to experience that?
That also gives me the power and the freedom and the knowing of when I can say “no” to additional gatherings. If that invitation to a gathering or an event doesn't feel like a “yes” and that that would feel childlike and what's in alignment with that then I can very easily say “no.”
Watch out for Yourself during this Season!
Now the other thing I want you guys to really think about removing the pressure making sure that you're still taking care of yourself throughout all of this. A huge part of maintaining your boundaries. 1) is setting a boundary and 2) is maintaining that boundary. It’s sticking with the boundary.
If you aren't feeling like your cup is filled and you aren't taking really good care of yourself then you're in a very vulnerable place to not follow through on that boundary because you are not in alignment. You are out of balance, you're not in homeostasis.
When you're grounded in your balance and you're centered in yourself and you do this by maintaining self care. By maintaining your own cup being filled. By making sure that you are grounded each day.
You're drinking enough water, you're eating enough food, you're getting enough sleep, you're moving your body, you're meditating each day, you're doing these things that make you centered and grounded and in your body. Then you’re so much more able to stand on those two feet and follow through and hold the line and what those boundaries are for this year.
Who Can I Ask for Help?
The last thing the last thing I want you to consider and to ask yourself this year is who can I ask for more help with? How can I be more supported? I think a lot of times women think that when were doing things around the home, taking care of the kids, making the food and getting the holidays in line, that everyone else in the home or in the family can see that you're doing that and that they can read your mind of what it is that they could do to help you.
That's not true. They need you to communicate what it is that you could do specifically to help them. So that is a boundary that you can set with yourself. Who can I ask for help right now? Who can do this? Can I let go of a little bit of control of maybe cooking this meal that I ask them to chop something, that I might not have done in that certain way, but I ask them to do it and it takes a little bit of pressure off me. Little things like that.
Or maybe I have all these presents to wrap and I might not wrap them exactly like my husband, but if I ask him to do that, that's going to give me enough time so that I can go meditate or that I can take a bath and then do what I need to do. And let go of a little bit of control of what that looks like, so I can be more in alignment with filling my cup up.
So I want you this year to ask for help. You’re going to ask for help with the dishes, going and getting the list of groceries that you made, wrapping the presents, the cleaning, identifying what that is.
Affirmations to Help Maintain Boundaries
Some affirmations to help you maintain these boundaries this year. Remembering that “no” is a complete sentence. Sometimes “no” is the most loving response that you can give. The key to getting what I want is to ask for it. If I want more support I ask for the support. You never get what you don't ask for.
Finally, when my needs are met I can be better for those who need me. When my needs are met I can be better for those who need me. When you're in that true center, rounded, peaceful, and joyful energy, think about what kind of energy you're bringing to your family, your friends, and the holiday season around you.Which is then how you’re going to create that feeling of the intention that you desire for this year.
I'm super excited for you. Journal on this: where can I do less this year, where can I set boundaries this year, what can I say “no” to this year, and how do I want my holiday season to feel in one or two words?
So I'd love to you guys after you do this work to let me know how this goes for you. If you’re watching this live let me know, which of these you're going to really take to heart and tune in with.
Wrap Up
If you guys are tuning in and listening to this on the podcast, come on over and let me know on LinkedIn or on Instagram how you want your holiday season to feel this year. Again we are currently enrolling for your Well-Being Promotion which is my 6-month program helping you to end the overwhelm of jump-starting your well-being journey. We are going to be doing this in 6 months together with lots of group coaching and teaching you how to meditate and be mindful with so many different practices. And giving you access to all the different course modules for my book The Six G.O.L.D Keys to Well-Being.
Thank you so much for joining me. I am going to head out. I hope you have a beautiful day and I will see you guys next time.
