Alisha Leytem: Hello, everyone. Welcome back to unlucky well being. I'm your host, Alisha, and today we have a guest who's going to be talking to us about something that is really close to home, and this has to do with family. For all of our listeners, we talk very often about the importance of self leadership and leading yourself from the inside out.
One category of your life that doesn't get a whole lot of attention is the importance of family and how really everything that you're building, that you're doing in your life starts at home. So I'm really excited to dive into this topic a little bit more today with our guest, Todd Marchant. Welcome to the show Todd.
Todd Marchant: Thanks so much for having me here, Alisha.. It's an honor.
Alisha Leytem: You have a really cool background from what you were doing ten years ago and to what you're doing now with your company, Be Whole, Do Good. I'd love for you to tell us more about your story.
Todd Marchant: First of all, I just love the message that you share in your platform so much about this leading from within. I think in the home, this is something we'll talk a lot about. It's still the same whether you're leading a team, leading in a company, or you're leading in your home. It all starts first with yourself. In fact, there's this phrase that we talk about often here.
My wife and I have just always latched onto it is care for yourself, to care for the world. That there's just this need to have capacity to have our cup filled to a certain level, to have enough to give it to others, or to give at least the best version of ourself to others.
I'm of the opinion that the most important and some of the most challenging work we'll ever do is within the walls of our own home. So all the work that you're doing, it applies just as much to the home and to family as it does any other place.
But as far as my background, so I actually spent the first ten plus years of my career in the corporate world. I was really fortunate and had an opportunity to start with this at the time, fairly no name company. That just their vision just caught me. And so I joined in. There's about 100 employees, a software company. We took up half a floor of one office and it was like it wasn't long before the full floor, then the second floor, then the third floor.
Then they started opening up offices around the world. Within ten years it went from 100 person company to about a 6000 person company, this multibillion dollar software company, and went through going public and being acquired and multiple of those steps. So it was this really enriching, exciting corporate career, and yet it was interesting, Alisha.
As fulfilling as much of that was. It was like our life was getting farther and farther from what we actually envisioned of what we wanted it to be. On the outside, so much looked good, and on paper, it looked really good. But on the inside, we weren't where we wanted to be.
I say we, as in myself, my wife, my kids, my family, the foundation of life is more there within ourselves and within our family. That foundation wasn't in the right place, even if the things up top looked like they were doing well. It's just interesting. I think there's a number of different experiences during that time that just drove us to have a deeper need to invest in our own wellness.
As we did, there was just this passion that started to be cultivated for learning the principles of whole, being health, and finding ways to implement that into our life. When it came time, there was this kind of important moment that I remember. It was a particularly difficult working time where it was throwing things way out of balance with family.
It actually wasn't as I looked forward to the future of like as I continue to climb this ladder. It actually I can only see it getting worse of how misaligned it is with some of my core values. I just remember this light bulb moment of sitting on our bed at night, late at night, one of those late night talks and just realizing something needs to change. And the paired thought was we can create anything we want to create.
And if that's true, what is it that we want to create? It's been a journey since then. That was a couple of years ago and we're a couple of years into figuring that question out. But so far the answer has included where we are now with Be Whole Do Good.
It's this company where our focus is really on strengthening families, starting with our own, where we're on this journey as a family of pursuing whole, being health. Our invitation is for other families to join us to join us in that ongoing effort to build a culture in our home where we're constantly leaning into awareness and understanding and growth. Not just for the purpose of our own happiness, which is wonderful end in itself, but for the even greater end that we can give of ourself to the world.
Alisha Leytem: Thank you for sharing that. I love it so much. We can relate a lot to your story. One of my absolute favorite quotes, I talk about it all the time. I think it relates really well to what your mission is in our similar understanding. It's a quote by Rumi, and he said, “yesterday I was clever and I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I'm changing myself”.
I use that all the time to help us understand. Like, you can't just go out there and do these things to change the world without doing what you need to yourself within. It starts at home knowing that as you do that, that's creating the ripple of the impact that you want to see outside of you.
So I love the work that you're doing, and I think it's so important that we're having this conversation around families. I think it's really interesting that you being in the corporate world and having such success in what you were doing brought you kind of to your knees of, what are my values? What do I really want? What am I doing? Is that what was happening for you of, this isn't in alignment with my values anymore?
Todd Marchant: Yeah, very much so. Just that dissonance. I think sometimes when we feel dissonance, man, those are the discourging moments when we feel that misalignment, when we feel like, this is not who I want to be, or that life isn't the way I want it to be.
Initially, oftentimes in that dissonance, it's not easy to see a different way when we're in the midst of it. But I have just found that there is a discontent. That has great value, that when we listen to it and we say, what is this discontent telling me? That the answers to that question can be life defining.
That certainly, as you alluded to that experience, that kind of period of time, I don't ever want to talk about as a singular period of time, because it man, we're all just a work in progress. Sometimes we have bigger, more significant versions of smaller versions of the same experience that happen over and over again.
But that was one of those one of those times where there was just this dissonance in life that had great inherent value and that, thankfully, we took enough time to listen to what that dissonance was telling us and it's guided the direction that we're taking in life right now.
Alisha Leytem: You had the decision and option to take your power back in that moment of feeling disempowered. You can continue to lean into that or say, actually, I do have a choice. I can make a decision of making something different for myself and making a different choice moving forward. And that's you chose to do.
I think that's really inspiring for a lot of people who do feel stuck in finding that they're not living their values or they're not in alignment with their day to day life and yet still feeling like there's nothing that they can do about it. I think your story is a testament that you can always do something about it. There's always a decision that you can make to improve it.
Todd Marchant: Yes, with the caveat that it takes a lot of courage and it's not easy. I would say as we found answers to, how do we want it to look different? And as we pursued then that path and done every I mean, it's it's been years in the making of pursuing that the and years of preparation before we even left the corporate world to then go all in on pursuing this.
But it's not all been roses. You find that every path has its thorns and there are things that you appreciate and things you don't appreciate at every stage and every phase. So there's this mix that I find myself constantly having to balance is this ability to have vision and that pursuit of that vision having clarity on my values and making sure that the direction I'm heading is in alignment with that.
While also cultivating the ability to be present and to appreciate the here and now and to focus more on the good that is in the current than the bad that's in the current, because there's always going to be some of both. I think we're definitely in the middle of that now.
There's certain challenges that by creating this lifestyle that we've created, there are wonderful benefits, and I feel so much more aligned with my values. But there's different challenges that it's brought up, too. In some ways it would have been a lot easier to just do what everyone else was doing and to maintain the course with where I was.
In some ways, that would have been easier, but I think the hardest thing is when we're feeling like we're not true to ourself. So even though there may be discomforts and there's challenges with taking the pursuit of trying to stay true to who you are and to your values, it's worth it because it's far better than the discomfort of not staying true to yourself.
Alisha Leytem: No matter how long it takes. Because when you know that when you're living your truth, how long it takes isn't really it's not really relevant because you know that's your truth, and that's where you're going. That's where you're meant to be, regardless of the challenges along the way.
Michael, my husband, and I, we can totally relate. We've been growing our current lifestyle and our businesses for the last decade as well. And when we were in the early stages of it, I was working a different part of my business many, many years ago. I was a yoga teacher and meditation guide and creating online courses, and he was working as a traveling consultant for a Big Four consulting firm. He was getting on a plane every Sunday night, leaving, coming back every Thursday night.
It would have been a lot harder if we hadn't planted the seed that that wasn't the ultimate vision. Right. We had a different vision of what we were creating and what we were building towards. But we knew we had to do what we were doing for two to three years to be able to get to the point, to then take the leap, to go to the next stage. To get to the next stage.
So we completely relate to you and feel like there's this vision that we have and we're still growing it and we're still doing it and we're not there. But are you ever really there? You're still always developing it, yet at the same time we're building our family.
We have a daughter, we want to have another one, and wanting to just spend as much time as you can, which is a big part of why we have our businesses, so that you can be with your family, stay home with them, and have that time, freedom to do so. But there is that dissonance that you were saying of, I need to be growing and building for the family, but also I'm supposed to be here too, and enjoy it. That's why I built what I'm building.
Todd Marchant: You're very much just expressing so much of the motivations for why we created Be Whole Do Good is exactly that. That desire to bring together into one this more integrated life where we have an ability to build and strengthen our family by being present with them. And the window of time in which we have our kids at our home is not very long. And the window of time in which they're in any given phase is not very long.
Wanting to be present with that and take advantage of it and try to raise the next generation to be better than we are and to improve upon whatever good we can do. I think in the world today, there's a lot of unique challenges.
It's interesting as you think about technology innovation, there are certain challenges that, in the end, are challenges that have always been there. It's part of being human. But there is a unique set.
I was reading a book on creative learning from this head of creative learning out of MIT. Really interesting. But in it, he quotes about how there's some research that in the next 30 years oh, man, I'm trying to remember. I'm going to butcher it. So I probably should just estimate, and I'll say it now, here's a caveat, that it was something like 70% of our current jobs in 30 years will be gone.
That that's how much evolution is happening out in the workplace because of technology innovation. But while that was focused a lot on, well, how do we then educate? How do we change our education system to prepare people for that evolving workplace?
To me, the thing that just stood out is no wonder kids are growing up with all time highs of anxiety and depression and suicidal rates and struggle for a sense of identity and on and on and on because the world is rapidly changing so much. That we don't have the experience yet fully to know how to handle that, to handle the evolution, to handle the innovation in such a way that supports their well being.
Again, I think the opportunity for any one of us is to make a stand in that and to say, you know what? For the work that's in the walls of my own home, I'm going to lean in in an exciting, joyful, playful, experimenting way to say, how can I help my kids in this unprecedented time? Take full advantage of the great abundance that our modern day has to offer them while helping them to have the skills, the knowledge, the tools to combat the challenges that come in our unprecedented modern society.
I think ultimately, that captures some of what we're trying to do here, Be Whole Do Good. And it captures what I think the opportunity is for any of us parents. It's actually daunting and overwhelming at sometimes, but it's also exciting and a wonderful opportunity. The more we can prepare our kids to be leaders in that, going forward, that's what the world will need.
Alisha Leytem: Amen. I think this is so needed and important. I was just having this conversation with someone yesterday, a leader in my community, who's reached out to me and is like, what do we do? How do we help these kids get through the next phase? How can we support them and all of the struggles that they're having with their mental health, not only as a result of these last few years, but to your point, all of this exponential growth that we're going to be experiencing with AI and technology in the next 10-20 years.
We can barely grasp what it will be. So how can we stay grounded and feel confident in guiding our children in their own well-being, like you were saying, so I think, this work is just so important.
So what are you finding? What do you think we can do? What's the answer? As of right now?
Todd Marchant: Ever evolving. We'll talk about, I guess, some emerging things. What do I feel like I'm learning right now? What are we doing with Be Whole Do Good, I guess, to reflect that of what we're learning. I think what I've come to realize is that when there is any situation in life where we can't fully predict what's going to happen, which is most alike right.
The more we can have the right mindset to be able in the moment to then seek and find what we need in that moment, that's some of the key. So the bigger our toolbox of kind of whole being health tools, that also helps. So the more we can invest in understanding, okay, this is the role of meditation and how I can meditate, how I can teach my kids to meditate.
This is the role of exercise, of what I eat. What are the things that contribute to my mental well being that I put into my body? What are the tools regarding my openness to life and being flexible? How do cultivate a sense of purpose learning tools in all of those areas, how to process my difficult emotions, et cetera, et cetera.
I think that's one step, and I guess the comment I'll make there is that's something that over time we've come to realize is really important is that we are one interconnected whole as an individual. If anyone part of us is really suffering, all of us are suffering. If we strengthen any one part of us, it strengthens all of us.
So as we consider ourselves into visually and as we consider our children, our family as a whole, I think that's one thing that's important is that we remember the whole what are all the parts of us? And for me, it's helpful to have constructs. There's a lot of them out there. We use one by Taliban Chahar that's spire spiritual, physical, intellectual, relational, and emotional well being. I'll talk in a minute of how use that as a family. But that's one component, I think it's important that we look at our whole selves.
But a second component going back to that mindset is that. We have this sense of playfulness in life. It's a curiosity. It's an openness where no matter what life brings, there's this perspective that there's great opportunity in it, as painful and difficult or as wonderful as it may be. And what is it that being able and ready when unexpected things happen to then experiment to find what you need in that moment.
That's one of the things that this MIT group actually even talked about that preparing for the workforce and this ever evolving is not like how do we educate kids to memorize a bunch of facts and then on a test to be able to regurgitate them? How do we actually prepare them to just have this problem solving kind of mindset? And I think that relates to our well being is just having this problem solving mindset. And foundational to that is a certain degree of awareness. Awareness of our self, awareness of our emotions, awareness of the tools that are available to us.
But as a family, I think what we are really focused on and then what we're trying to help support other families doing with behold do good is creating a culture of those things. Creating a culture of looking at our whole self identifying what are our needs and desires across those core areas, and then how do we joyfully pursue growth, the ones that really feel like they could use some of that.
So for our family, what that looks like is every I'd say one to two months, we sit down and we make this kind of family party out of it. And our kids are still pretty young. We have four kids at home from a little baby up to nine years old, and we have this little fun thing and ice cream and all the toppings and whatever. But we go through those five categories every person, and we discuss, okay, when it comes to your physical well being, what's an area that would be such a blessing to work on or fun to work on, and we establish a goal.
We go through each of those five areas and we all have goals that we're working on. So there's this culture that we're trying to create where on an ongoing basis, we are continually working on our whole selves. And then, of course, as parents, Ashley and I separately will have a date night every once in while.
A where the whole goal of our date night is we're doing kind of a five facet review, and we're reviewing from our perspective, how is every member of our family doing across these five areas? And what additional support do we need to give our family, ourselves, an individual child to support one of those areas?
Because oftentimes we don't know. We don't know what the answer is. We don't know how to help this child to not yell so much when they get upset and angry or this child to melt down and tease when they're feeling not heard or whatever it might be, figuring out what is that next tool that we need and how do we go and pursue it? I don't know.
Maybe, Alisha, you can pull something that makes sense out of that. I'm just kind of talking through of what are some of the things that we're focused on and working on that I think are really helpful as we think about raising a resilient generation that is ready to lead out of leaning into the abundance of our modern day without being weighed down by the burdens of it.
Alisha Leytem: I really love your ritual that you do with your family. I love how intentional it is. I think that's really beautiful. I think that that is the example that children need, right, is knowing that you are there to guide them in being more intentional with their life and support them throughout it.
But the best part is you're not just doing it for them, you're doing it yourself. I think that's where the biggest change happens, is you're leading by example, like you guys going on your date night and you talking about it yourself of, okay, what am I going to do myself, right?
In addition, how can I support my children and supporting whatever goal they have in each of the five areas, the well being? But I think that's the biggest key is knowing that you're not just telling them to do it, you're showing and leading it along the way, too.
Todd Marchant: Yeah, actually, in fact, on our podcast, our Be Whole Do Good podcast, we interviewed an emotional intelligence expert who focuses entirely on families. And so how do you cultivate emotional intelligence in the family? And one of the things that she just emphasized, and it's fairly common sense, but there's kind of the two ways to teach emotional intelligence.
One is the explicit. We sit down, we talk about our emotions, we read a little book that's written about our emotions. We tell our kids what they can do when they feel certain things. That is important and it's good and it has value. But by far the way our kids actually learn emotional processing skills, emotional regulation, is by what they see. It's how we model it.
That's one of the things that she emphasized, was that our most powerful teaching as parents with emotional intelligence, but I think in any area is our modeling. It's actually been fun as we've started to create this lifestyle that has more of the time, freedom, so that we can focus on our family and. It's been fun to start to involve my kids more in my goals. So my kids know that when Daddy's stressed, the pair of running shoes are coming on. That's part of my medicine. That's what I need. It's part of my therapy. It's healing to me.
They know I have their routine in the morning, but it's something that just getting outside and doing that is just really supportive for me. But it's a lot of fun to invite them to come on a run with me. The exercise isn't nearly as good when they come with me, but it's enriching when they come. Certain kids are more drawn to coming than others. There's one son in particular who just loves to or he'll come down into the basement with me and work out with his little tiny weights and my five year old doing the workouts with me. That's just one example.
But they see their mom doing her daily meditation when she invites them to sit down. As a part of we do kind of a home school hybrid set up. Every Monday, they have a weekly ritual of doing a meditation where she does this guided meditation with my kids. It's the cutest thing. They're like out on the floor in our family room with the yoga mats out and all into their meditation. She makes it this really fun experience, has some yummy herbal tea.
I did all these things so that they would be open to trying it out. But the most important thing is they see her doing it every day. And she talks about how much it helps her when dealing with anxiety or dealing with whatever it might be. So then they're much more open to trying things and doing things because they know we're doing it. It's that modeling component.
Alisha Leytem: Yeah, exactly. Like your example of the going for the run when you're stressed that's you showing them to regulate. And I think a good question that we can all ask ourselves is, what is my go to? What do I do when I'm stressed? And know that whatever you do, you're modeling that to your family, and so you have the opportunity to shift that and change that.
I even had to do that today. It was a hard morning. We're in toddler phase, and my husband got home from the gym. It's his work time because we trade off where I work in the morning or I have her in the morning, he works the morning, and then we switch. So I get the afternoons to work, and he has her.
So it was his time. But I'm like, hey, I need two minutes to go ground and regulate so I can be better. And so I literally just went out, and I just walk barefoot on the grass. I touch a tree, I breathe and meditate for two minutes, and I'm good.
But knowing when you're dysregulated and knowing the tools to bring yourself back and center yourself so that then you can be there to help your children do whatever it is that they need, I think is really vital that you're able to. Lead by example in that way.
Todd Marchant: Yeah, and it's interesting. I mean, human beings are really complex. Kids, everyone talks about how they don't come with instruction manuals, and they don't. Even if they did, it would be irrelevant because every child is different now. Having four kids, every one of them, their personality is different. What they're drawn to, what they do naturally, what their strengths are, what their weaknesses are, what their emotional challenges are, how they manifest the same negative emotion. They manifest it so differently.
I guess I mention it because as someone who's now we're dedicating our life to focusing on this. And we studied with different experts, and we don't feel like experts ourselves yet, but we're trying to be an ally to where we can create space for other families to focus on the things that we're focusing on.
Yet, man, so much of the time, I feel like as a dad, I'm like, what do I do? It's not translating the way that I wanted to translate. But what's been fun is we now have the nine year old. I think we're starting to see it more and more. That the little things that we do, the things we're talking about now, sometimes you see right away some of the impact, but so much of the time it's like little by little and in the moment, it's almost imperceptible that it's actually making any difference at all.
So sometimes it can be discouraging. We just want to give up. But over time, you start to see, wow, this thing that we've now repeatedly done. And it's like, I feel like I've said it a million times and it's never had any impact.
I'm starting to see the mindset shift. I'm starting to see the behavior change. I'm starting to see the evidences of the consistency of those small and simple things starting to have a great impact. I just feel like we're getting little hints of that here and there. But it's just a helpful reminder because sometimes you listen to these things and it's like, none of that works for me.
Alisha Leytem: But you are trying to share the things that have worked for you. Not saying that everything works perfectly, but it is good to call that out. Like, hey, even though some things are it's not perfect here in the background, but I want to get your opinion of your advice for people who don't have the time, freedom and do want to focus on their families.
A lot of our listeners are professionals, are leaders, are executives, and they have to work all day. So where can they start when they don't have the luxury of as much time? Or they're really trying to juggle that nine to five and still prioritize their family?
Todd Marchant: Yeah, I think the specific actions to take of where you start are going to look a little different per family, per child, per circumstance. So I hesitate giving here's the way. But I think the principle the principle that is universally true is that we shouldn't underestimate the little things.
In reality, I think almost all transformative change, almost all transformative achievements are achieved through consistency of little things. We all can make room for little things. I'm talking about tiny stuff. That when we can create a very consistent habit. That the minute we walk in the door, the. We get down on our knee, we give a big hug, and we say, I am so glad to see you. I love you.
This is the happiest part of my day. Like, that alone is, like, a very tiny thing. But can we make it just a ritual in our life where it happens every day? The first time your kid sees you. And I get it, by the way, when I got to the point of being like, I'm ready for a change, I was waking up and leaving the house before any of my kids were awake.
I was getting home for a very late dinner, eating dinner. And then it was bedtime. That was our life. I was having a hard time leaving work on vacation, like we were on vacation, but yet the demands were such that it was that type of constancy. And so I get it. But even in those scenarios, the first time they see you, what do you do?
Can you create a ritual out of that moment that just creates this instant feeling of love and acceptance and embracing and priority? I think that's just one example. But in any of them, as you think about what are the needs of a relationship. As you identify what that need is, think about an aspiration.
What is your aspiration for the need that you're feeling? Then go through and brainstorm and say, okay, if that's the aspiration, what I want for this area that's lacking in life right now, what is every possible behavior I can think of that could potentially contribute to it? Then you go through and you assess all those lists of behaviors you create and identify one, how likely am I to actually to be able to consistently do it, and how strong would it contribute to that aspiration?
All you got to do is pick one or two of those then that are most strong. I could consistently do that every day. I can see how that would directly correlate to meeting this need and strengthening a relationship or strengthening my family, or strengthening the need of this child.
So I guess that's my top thought is just make it tiny. Make it tiny. Don't underestimate undervalue the power of tiny, especially if that tiny is something that could be done every day. Then I think connected to that is certainly there's a need for additional support even in time freedom.
We recently decided, you know what, there are certain skills emotionally that we're kind of struggling figuring out how to teach our kids. So we went and found a play therapist that could help provide some additional support, not so that we could take that responsibility off of us, because they're going to visit that plate therapist once every other week. For an hour.
We're with them more often than that so that they could receive new insight and understanding, and then we could be coached to receive new insight and understanding, and then we could be better with all the time that we spend with our kids. I think there's also a lot of value in recognizing that even in our parenting, how can we take the most important parts of parenting, use what time we do have for those things, and then get support for other things?
I use the example of maybe the emotional coaching with a therapist, but maybe it's cleaning house. If we're spending a lot of our family time cleaning house, which there is inherent value in teaching work and those types of things, and that but if we need to get someone else to clean our house so that we could build the quality.
The little time we have with our family can be truly the most quality with them. Then there's no investment that's more worth it. I think identifying what support do we need to take advantage of the time that we do have is another helpful question.
Alisha Leytem: Amazing. I think those are two really great specific things that you can start the foundation. Obviously, what you're saying, like, small changes will have a big impact, which I think is your phrase, right? It's one of our phrases. Yeah. Tiny changes, big impact.
So I love that, how that ties in there. But yeah, sometimes it helps hearing, okay, tiny things. But what exactly could that look like? Setting the intention of greeting your child with love and joy and gratitude when you do get to see them, even if it's right at dinner or before they go to bed or early in the morning before you leave. For the day.
Setting that intention that that's how you show up for them each time can build up over time. I love that. And then outsourcing, asking for support. We aren't meant to do it all all the time. And so if you don't have the time freedom, maybe you have the financial freedom to clear up some of that time that you're missing, doing those things to pour back into your family. So I think that's really powerful.
Todd Marchant: Yeah. And I think about, as you're referencing back, that example of the tiny things building up over time and can we create a ritual around when we are with our kids, how we make the most of it? I'm also fully aware and understanding that it is not easy to be ready to show up that way.
That after working those really long, demanding, stressful days, you're just completely exhausted. It's very easy to come with a cup empty and depleted. Then, yes, we may feel passionate about our role as a parent and desire to show up well, but when we have nothing to give, there's nothing to give. That's just the reality.
So I think sometimes there is a little bit of a building rituals upon themselves process we have to go through. Like, okay, if that's the ritual I want to create when I get home or at the dinner table or in the morning at the school drop off or whatever it is, if that's the ritual I want to create there, what do I need to do right before that so that I'm ready to do that?
I found there were certain things on my drive home, on my commute, that if I spent that time like, hey, I'm peaceing out from the office and just doing a meeting on my call on the phone as I'm driving home, I hang up and then I walk in. Oh, man. I was not a very good dad when I walked in. I couldn't be present.
But if I created a boundary there where it's like that drive home, there are specific things know help me to process the day, release them, and kind of be able to put them on the shelf till the next day and to put myself in the right place. That ritual is equally as important if we want that next ritual to be what we want it to be.
Alisha Leytem: Yes. I'm so glad you gave that example and of your own experience, because we know that as high achievers, it's easy to be like, oh, I can just squeeze in this one more meeting. I can send this one more email as I'm commuting whether I'm driving or not. Maybe I text, voice it as well. You just don't ever stop. Then it's hard and difficult to just switch and turn this off and turn that on without having that anchor or that ritual, that routine that shuts down work and turns on parenting or turns on I'm at home now.
And so what is that ritual? What is that anchor that can guide you into that space more? And the example of driving home, I think, is really powerful to just silence everything off. No news, no music, no podcast. Like, at this point, you just had so much in the day to just let that be your moment to unwind and center yourself a little bit more before you go in the day and take a few deep breaths before you walk in the door.
That doesn't have to take any additional time other than a little more intention to help you get to what you were saying. The ultimate, the outcome that you're trying to create with your family.
Where can people start if they don't know what to do with how to focus on creating more well being within their family unit? How can they start deciding on which area to focus on?
Todd Marchant: Yeah, I think that there's a number of resources that we've created, first of all, for exactly that. If you don't know where to start or you want to feel more support, you want to feel community of other committed parents who are trying to balance all the craziness of life and yet still make it a priority to not just be good parents, but to really help their kids to cultivate the skills of resilience and of whole being health. If that's your desire and interest, we've got a set of resources that are really helpful to get started.
But I think ultimately, just sitting down and actually having an opportunity probably first, as you and your partner, if you have a partner, to be able to consider and think about each of those sets of needs, like, what are those needs of each child? Then how can we help support them in having a desire to pursue growth in some of those needs and then having that type of discussion with our kids.
I think it's amazing, even with our five year old, for example, even at that young age, when you create this climate for them to be able to set goals and you as a parent, kind of guide the way that discussion goes and identifying helping them understand some of the things that are important that they could work on and what would be exciting and what that might look like. Before almost everyone of our family goal setting, we've had the discussion as a couple first.
So we're really kind of influencing and guiding and prompting them in ways that they feel the self initiative and it's really powerful. So I think taking time to actually just have those conversations is a great starting point. But beyond that, one of the things that I've just felt really passionate about and that Ashley has felt passionate about, we do behold do good together is, I think, one of the really important foundational needs. When it comes to this type of skills for our kids is just what do we do with difficult emotions?
Because that emotional regulation is part of what we see so many of the pervasive problems being right now and is difficult and there's a lot of influences to influence otherwise, to have poor co skills and to turn to the wrong things. So that's one of the things that we've really built at Be Whole Do Good is a program that's focused on how do we as a family, both parents, to your point, if the parents aren't doing it, the kids aren't going to do it type thing.
So how do we as parents and children together lean into developing mindfulness and self compassion skills? And so that's one of our kind of core offers is the four week program where it's oriented around helping kids of all ages and the adults together lean into and learn some of the basic simple tools that are very helpful to be more mindful and to practice greater self compassion. Because those are two foundational pillars to how we can process our difficult emotions more effectively. They're things that we can turn to.
That would be another resource that I would just offer, I guess if people are interested in that, just reach out to me. [email protected] and we can get you oriented into one of our community groups that's working through that.
Alisha Leytem: Yeah, I think that's a really powerful and needed. Educational program. And can you imagine how different life would be if you would have learned those things as a child? I think that's the power of this work is like you can literally change the future by teaching children these things that we weren't taught until we had to figure it out, really as adults.
Todd Marchant: and how powerful when you can actually have because I don't know of almost any family, and not to the previous generation's fault. It's just the evolution of where we are completely. But I don't know of almost any family of my peer group where the ability to have really open conversation around all the hard stuff of life is just natural.
It's like part of our culture. We don't ever feel alone because we always feel like we can talk about those things and that it's heard and received in a way that is mindful and compassionate and we just have that culture of treating each other that way, let alone treating ourselves that way. I think that's one of the opportunities that we hope for is not only.
Can I help an individual child to learn these skills now that I had to learn as an adult? But can we actually learn it together as a family, where the entire dynamic of the family changes, where we can be a support to one another all throughout our lives? That's it. That's it. That's what I want.
Alisha Leytem: That's totally it. I mean, I feel like doing that, you're healing the generational trauma, and you're healing the future of generations. You're able to change and break the pattern of not having that. To your point, we'll echo it's not any previous generation's fault. Like, we're just evolving and raising consciousness as humanity, but knowing that we're able to raise that, giving that gift to our children, is just, I think, going to be so powerful, especially as we continue to evolve it as a more technological society. This is a skill that we need more than ever as we lean into the world of AI.
Todd Marchant: I have these desires. I look at the conflict that is out in the world, all of the problems that are out in the world, and there's so much that my heart just desires to make a difference. One of the things is, I've thought about that, to your point about healing generations and preparing the future.
The family is the building block of all of society. That's what it comes down to. That is the building block. If we can strengthen families, if we can heal at the home. Then to me that's the most fundamental way to start to influence the changes in society. I hope we can see and see progress in in our lifetime.
Alisha Leytem: My husband and I were actually talking about this recently, about how, to your point, starting at home and making these changes. This is like where it is remembering that the work that you're doing is important to helping the world and to fulfilling your purpose and doing what it is that you're here to do. But also remember that the end of the day, everything you're doing is to support you at home.
Is to build the home that you desire with your family, with your spouse, whoever that is with you. And so sometimes that helps you to keep things in check. In perspective of what am I really rushing or pushing to get to you at this point when this is ultimately what it's for?
So I think some of our listeners will enjoy that. But this has been really amazing. Where can people learn and find out more about you? Is it a four week program or four months?
Todd Marchant: Yeah, that one's a four week program. We'll be launching our first group of a seven month program actually here in June that is really meant to be this tight knit community of families building the culture of whole, being health together.
There's a lot of really cool things that are actually a part of that program that will be a support in making it very easy for your kids to understand the concepts that contribute to whole being health and to having resources that ultimately start the conversation. Start the conversation about whatever that principle of whole being health might be. Maybe it is curiosity and being open to new experiences.
Maybe it is how you cultivate kindness toward other people or how you again, the whole list, right, of things over a seven month time period. But yes, that program is coming out too soon. Where can you find us? Bewholedogood.com is our website.
I would say ultimately if you're interested in really thinking about your family in the way that we've talked about it today, you want to follow along our family's journey and what we're seeking to do, what we're trying to do, and how we're building a community around that. The best thing is just to join our email list on that homepage. So go do that.
We also talk a lot about our journey and then our podcast is really built around one. This is what we're focused on each month. We're really hyper focused on one pillar of whole being health and we really invest in that. And part of it is Ashley and I ask what are all the things we need to know that we don't know right now that would help solve challenges we're facing with our family?
Then we go find the experts that kind of answer those questions and we interview them on our podcast. And so it's within the context of the real life challenges of raising our kids. And so our podcast is another place that you could follow along and be a part of it. We're most active on Instagram as far as social platforms go and so you can check us out there. But I think those are some of probably the sources to find more information. But I also would just love to connect with anyone personally. So just connect.
We've got a family audit that will be on our website by the time this is published. So that will be a great resource and you can just go to our homepage and take that and then happy to connect with anyone individually and see how we can get you as a part of some of the work we're doing.
Alisha Leytem: I love that. I think the audit would be really powerful for people, too. It's like, all right, where am I? Let me just kind of get some feedback for myself, kind of where I can start.
Todd Marchant: Exactly. And that's the point. That's the point right there, is where can I start? That's one of the things that we hear and that we want to make easier than the point of the audit is let's let's make it easier to, like, take this big, overwhelming idea and let's just break it down again to something tiny, a starting point that we can go at. And so come visit the website, take the audit, and be happy to connect with you.
Alisha Leytem: Love it. So we'll have all of these links for everyone in the show notes, so we'll have all the links that you mentioned. So thank you so much for joining us today. Is there any last thought you want to leave us with before we end today's show?
Todd Marchant: First and foremost, I guess, is gratitude. Thanks, Alicia, for this opportunity to connect with the wonderful audience that you've built. I think ultimately I would just encourage and invite everyone to know that they are enough. You are enough as you are. All of the weaknesses within your parenting, all the weaknesses in your family, that, you know what, they're all common to humanity.
They're not faults to who you are. They're a part of being it. And you know what? That's actually not a bad thing either. That there's something beautiful about the whole part of us, both the broken parts and the whole parts, the weaknesses and the strengths.
Oftentimes they're actually really connected and that we can't have the gifts and the goodness without some of the brokenness and the challenges and whatever that come with it. That there's this contrast that I think is actually really important to the human experience.
If someone has desires in these areas, please know you're enough. You're enough. And with a little bit of intention and ongoing effort on little things, you can begin to feel more the way that you want to feel about your family and about the direction of your family. I love that. Thank you.
Alisha Leytem: Well said. And I will just echo that by saying that when you start making a change from the place of wholeness, that's where lasting change comes from. So you're doing great work. Thank you so much for being here today. We will have all the links for everyone to join you and check more out and then the shoutouts. So thank you guys so much for joining us on this episode of Unluck Your Well-Being. We will see you next time.
